Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
