So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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