Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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