I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
