Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
