Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
