Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
