This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
