Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
