If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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