Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
