I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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