so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
