So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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