My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
