Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
