My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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