Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
