Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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