Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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