I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
