I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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