Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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