you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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