Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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