I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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