$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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