What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dignity is for republicans.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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