Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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