come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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