The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
