please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
