I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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