I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
