I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
