Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you traded sex for a burrito?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
