I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
