He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
