Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
