PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
