Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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