I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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