the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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