Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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