apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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