Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
