just come out here and I will go home with you...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
