theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
