when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
