Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
