her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
